eyeofthetigress86: (Catwoman Cat Lover #1)
[personal profile] eyeofthetigress86
She went to her doctor again last Thursday and he decided to continue a barrage of shots to her eye to find out if it can improve her sight. I'm not sure how long it's going to take, but that does mean there may be hope for her eyesight after all. It's good news that there's at least a possibility for improvement.

However, Mom will be going over to her house frequently. Grandma's gotten to the point of being unable to keep track of her pills and other things she used to do for herself without Mom's constant assistance. It was bound to happen if she lived long enough. Mom had also done the same things for her father before he became very ill and she used to care for my father's mother as well.

At some point my mother may decide to move in with my grandmother more permanently, though. It might depend upon the results of this new barrage of shots. I can at least feed myself and do other household tasks I need to get done on a regular basis. The only problem I really have is using the washer and drier since it's impossible for me to commit to memory the methods for washing all of the clothes I have including some with specific instructions.

My father has been helping me with that lately only because she insists on acting as if she doesn't know what my learning disabilities are on a regular basis. At least he doesn't put up an unnecessary fight about old news. I mean, if I could just do those things myself then I would because it wouldn't take too much effort. It's ridiculous to think that I just don't want to and then to make me explain my memory problems with such repetition.

Besides that, everything else I do regularly is something I don't need too much help with. Taking my own medications is a matter of memory, but she doesn't really even attempt to help me with it. She's also unable to fill my pill box correctly, but somehow she does that for her mother? For whatever reasons, she acts very obstinate with me. I've asked is she resents me or feels as if I'm only a burden, but she denies such. If that's true, what makes her treat my problems so differently than the rest?

Being left to my own devices with those things is basically how I already am. Having her live somewhere else more permanently isn't exactly that taxing on me. I'll just get my father's help with the laundry. Big deal. What it actually has an effect on is how often I'm able to get out of the house since Mom is almost always my ride.

I have DTD so I couldn't navigate to drive, but I wouldn't want to try it in the first place. Having Social Anxiety makes me realize that the act of driving would be anxiety-ridden for me. It does have a definite social element that I have a distaste for, but I would honestly have tried to do it if I didn't have DTD holding me back.

I just might be going places less often if she moves out, but I would have the option of calling her for assistance. And she would still be driving me to my appointments as well. But even if I could drive, I still have dyscalculia. I can't pay for anything myself due to that so I would need someone accompanying me anyway.

It's mostly the learning disabilities that can't be changed that put such a damper on my abilities to take care of myself beyond my home rather than the influence of my mental illnesses. My experience with Social Anxiety isn't nearly as bad as it used to be and both the Paranoid Schizophrenia and Bipolar have always been mild. And now the PS is irrelevant since my medication for it is finally working so well, although I think that diagnosis has evolved away from the paranoid element too.

I haven't had any paranoid inclinations that tie into the Social Anxiety for years since that gradually faded out of my experience. The major component of audial hallucinations eventually became the only element of that particular diagnosis. The voices I heard had long since become benign, though. They just inserted their unwanted opinions about everything.

Originally they were detrimental by vocalizing desires of self-harm and suicide, but that subsided quickly after the hormonal flux of puberty had stopped. That had greatly contributed to the problem. The paranoid aspect was always directly linked to the Social Anxiety, but it had to fade when my SAD problems began to diminish.

Maybe calling it "Schizoaffective Disorder" is somehow better, but a lot of people don't know what the even means. It's not that great of a label when no one knows its meaning and the criteria for it is lacking. My real problem is just the Bipolar, though. I've never been on the psychotic end of it since I haven't experienced full-blown mania, it just gives me episodes of racing thoughts, heightened creativity and insomnia for the most part. I don't fit most of its criteria since it's so stringent, unfortunately.

I barely retained that diagnosis by having my borderline shopping addiction to be honest. Without that I probably wouldn't have Bipolar II on my most recent assessment. She didn't use Schizoaffective. Some doctors dislike it for the same reasons that I do. And as for the PS, I should've discussed that more in-depth with her. It's hardly the same as it was when I was a kid.

Oh, and I finally got my mother to just talk about the situation and she gave me what amounts to a promise that we'll avoid getting rid of my cats somehow or another. I also made her understand that when they wait until the last minute to consider their options regarding events like my grandmother's health, both of my parents make hasty mistakes.

I think it sunk in with her that the idea of moving us all into the same house is a terrible idea. It's too much work, especially if we're really considering moving out of this area later on. And having four people and three pets on top of each other? No way. That's the last thing we all need, pet included. My grandmother isn't exactly a fan of pets in the house anyway.

Our talk turned out better than I thought it would and I decided not to involve my father in it since he just tends to overcomplicate matters rather than providing any real, helpful insight. It was easier to talk to her one-on-one. If he then tries to bring up living together I'll have to confront him about that myself. Sometimes she just kowtows to other people's detriment.

I don't want us to repeat past mistakes in new ways. My paternal grandmother was totally different from my maternal one, but I also learned from living with her that having four people crammed into one house isn't the best thing for any of us. I'm already feeling cramped up as if I don't have enough personal space in this house to get away from my parents' loudness.

I'm happy to know that I won't have to relinquish my own pets, assuming she keeps her word. I would fight like hell against her if she didn't, though. I'm sure she realizes that even if she can be as stubborn as I am. I wouldn't be in any mood for her to go back on her word that way nor would I shy away from raising hell about it.

Also, I did some surveys last Monday before leaving the house. I've just been busy helping out now that my grandmother's having problems and my days off have turned into sleep fests. When I have gotten online, I decided to binge watch some anime to make better use of that Crunchyroll account before it expires. I'll eventually get to posting those.

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eyeofthetigress86

September 2017

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