eyeofthetigress86: (Catwoman Despair #2)
[personal profile] eyeofthetigress86
It keeps raining and I can't do anything without groceries. I don't want to get drenched, but I'm also in a bit of a mood because of Mom's unreliability lately. She couldn't even do what I directly asked. All I wanted was for her to check my order when she picked it up at the drive-through. She couldn't be bothered apparently.

I don't want to deal with her right now and I've got heartburn too. She asked about getting the groceries I need in order to go over to Grandma's tomorrow after her appointment and my allergy shots, but I'm feeling kind of over it now. That's in the sense that I'm not going to care until we're already out and about. Maybe then it can actually happen.

She can't stick to the simplest of plans. I just wanted to do it yesterday while the weather would be decent. And my know-nothing father was saying I should've committed one way or another. I did that twice! Mom changed my plans once and then forgot about it entirely on the next occasion. But I'm the one who needs to commit? Idiot.

Yet again I had to be a monkey on her back about the things I need her to help me get done. We still haven't gone to the Social Security Admin and now she's saying we shouldn't even bother. Seriously? Why couldn't we have done that ages ago? I need my teeth cleaned and I've been waiting about two months!

She can't seem to get me in touch with the right kind of therapist either only because my insurance plan insists that I either see a social worker or someone with a PhD. I'm not even going for emotional support. I need to know some healthy coping mechanisms for physical pain because I was using shopping and drinking sodas as a crutch last March.

Hell, I might just do better asking the damn internet or JFGI at this point. Mom is just so unreliable lately. If I could do everything myself then my life would be that much easier. Unfortunately for me, there's nowhere else for me to turn to at this point.

There are only so many times that I can prod her into doing things. Even when I've done so repeatedly she still doesn't give me the help I need and she's constantly going to other appointments for herself and her mother and for my father as well. But I'M the one she's a caregiver to officially. Despite that, I'm the one who always comes last.

I expect her own mother to be first right now, but I should rank before my father on this list. She can't even check my meal at a drive-through, why would she bother to get me the help I need? I can't keep living like this forever, though.

The only reason I haven't found other accommodations by now are my cats. My cousin Julie is allergic and the only other person I could count on already has two. Assisted living isn't an option. I don't know what to do if I can't squeeze a drop of sympathy out of her in order to get things done, but I absolutely have to rely on her due to DTD and dyscalculia.

It's one of those days where I'm screaming inside and fantasizing about burning things.

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eyeofthetigress86

July 2017

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